1 - Want Your Own Harem? Well Listen Up - How To Fix A Crappy Dating Profile

Close your eye and picture this: You’re you, but like, a much cooler, way hotter version of you. Almost like you’re the main character in a saucy harem anime. And of course it wouldn’t be a good harem anime if you weren’t completely surrounded by ridiculously hot people practically falling all over themselves to get your attention. Nice, right?  Ok, now open your eyes… I’m guessing that unless you did this exercise while standing in the middle of a busy intersection and got isekai’d by Truck-kun, you’re not ACTUALLY swimming in hotties right now, are you...? 
 
 Well, is this episode of the ElevatedXOtaku Podcast, I'm going to give you some tips on how to spruce up that dingy dating app profile of yours so you can have a chance at wooing your waifu, or hooking your husbando. 
 

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Transcript

Tiffany 0:00
Close your eye and picture this: You’re you, but like, a much cooler, way hotter version of you. Almost like you’re the main character in a saucy harem anime. And of course it wouldn’t be a good harem anime if you weren’t  completely surrounded by ridiculously hot people practically falling all over themselves to get your attention. Nice, right?  Ok, now open your eyes… I’m guessing that unless you did this exercise while standing in the middle of a busy intersection and got isekai’d by Truck-kun, you’re not ACTUALLY swimming in hotties right now, are you? 

Tiffany :038
Well, that’s where I come in. Hey! My name Tiffany, and I’d like to welcome you to the Elevated Otaku podcast. Where we talk about how to improve your life, nurture your relationships….and how to defeat the Firelord! We’ve already talked about how to make new friends in a “different” episode, so in this episode we’re gonna talk about your love life. More specifically, how to improve your dating app profile so that you can be right-swipe worthy. And though I may not be able to promise you an adoring harem, what I can do, is help you revamp that dusty profile of yours so that you can actually have a shot at wooing your waifu or hooking your husbando. 

Tiffany 1:26
But before we jump into the nitty gritty, we’re going to spin the wheel of listener submitted questions to get us warmed up.

Tiffany 1:34
And the question of the day comes from permfun: He asks: You have the chance to live in 1 of the following anime worlds, But the catch, is that you’re a bottom tier character.  Are you choosing to live in the MHA world or the DB world?

Tiffany 1:54
Oh, This is super easy for me…Ok…maybe not SUPER easy now that I’ve seen what’s going down in season 6… Either way, I’m definitely going to have to go with MHA. Don’t get me wrong, I love DB….and may or may not have had my sexual awaking when I saw Zarbon for the first time (don’t judge me…) but I cannot be the Yajorobi of the group. I feel like the human z fighters only exist to get their asses kicked until Goku decides he wants to actually take the fights seriously. I can’t live in a world where my only job is to stand on the sidelines and toss senzu beans to the saiyans while I try not to die. 

Tiffany 2:41
Although, we still have to acknowledge that there are some god awful quirks in MHA. Like, I’m pretty sure I saw a dude with a spray bottle nozzle for a head…. But the difference with MHA is that if you’re clever enough, you can still make a crappy quirk useful. For instance, I did NOT see how Sero’s Tape quirk got him into class 1-A at first, until someone compared it to Spiderman’s webbing. And ya know what, that’s a valid point. And I have to admit that he’s kinda been kicking ass lately…as much as ..tape dude can. I’m just saying,  I think even with a crappy quirk, you’d still be able to live a happy life. So, drop me in the MHA verse and bring on the crappy quirks! Ooh, that kinda rhymed. 

Tiffany 3:34
What do you think? You going DBZ or MHA? Go to the Elevated Otaku twitter page and let’s debate! And while you’re there, DM me with your own QOTD ideas, and make sure to follow me for more random fandom talk and ExO updates. The goal is to build up our little nerdy family and I would love for you to be a part of that! Alright, without further adieu 

Tiffany 4:02
Let’s play a game. Add a point for each one of the phrases that you have listed in your dating app bio: *ehem* “Work hard, play hard,” “You must be at least 6ft tall,” “Looking for my partner in crime,” “I’m fluent in sarcasm,” “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.” “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” “here for a fun time, not a long time,” “Just ask,” or just...nothing. A completely blank bio. Empty as Kaminari’s head… Vacant as planet Vegeta… Oof, too soon?

Tiffany 4:45
Ok, hold on to your scores, because it’s time for the bonus round: Photo edition. Add a point if youuuuu: have a dirty mirror bathroom selfie, are making a duck face, if you have a picture where you’re holding a fish, if you’re flipping off the camera, or if all of your photos are nothing but selfies.  

 Tiffany 5:08
Alright, pencils down everyone. It’s time to tally your scores! If you scored anything higher than a 0, then listen up because this episode is for you. Unless you really did get isekai’d by truck-kun, if you’re single, dating apps are a necessary evil. And it feels like everyone and their mother is on them now. Which is why I want to help YOU stand out by working on your Big 3. Your Pictures, your Profile, and your Messages. Let’s jump right in:

Tiffany 5:41
Phase 1: Your Pictures.
Let’s face it, as deep as we all like to think we are, we can’t deny that attraction matters. I’m not saying that you have to be a supermodel to snag a partner or anything, but everyone appreciates a little effort. If a picture is worth a thousand words, let’s make sure that yours can’t be dumbed down to a sticky note.

Tiffany 6:04
First things first: Be careful with your group pictures:
Listen, I know that we spent a whole episode talking about how to meet new people and make new friends. So, now that you got em, I don’t blame you for wanting to show them off. But you gotta be careful with how you do it. Group pictures are a great way to show that you’re likable and social, but if the first picture (or first several) pictures in your profile are un-labeled group pictures, then you’re setting yourself up to be a participant in a competition that you didn’t know you signed up for – and you may not be the winner. If you aren’t leading with a solo picture or labeling yourself in your group pictures you may be setting your potential match up for disappointment. And if you have too many unlabeled group pictures then they may just get tired of playing the guessing game altogether and swipe left out of frustration. 

Tiffany 7:01
Next, let’s talk about masks. Is your name is Saturo Gojo or Shizu Izawa? If not, just ditch the mask pictures. Unless you have some super cool or unique mask that gives insight into your interests or personality (*ehem* my Cowboy Bebop mask) then you’re defeating the purpose of having a picture in the first place. Let’s be honest…You’re probably not wearing your mask in public, so why are you doing it in a picture? Don’t be shy. Show off that lovely face of yours.

Tiffany 7:36
Tip #3: Variety. Since we’re leaning into the harem talk, can you tell me something that every harem and reverse harem have in common? C’mon, just shout em for me…. Oh, right! I can’t actually hear you.. Ok, I’ll just tell you. The potential love interests always have very different personalities. You’ve got your aloof tsundere, your down to earth childhood best friend, your “I’m sexy and I know it” character” your “I’m sexy and I don’t know it” character, and of course, the one that the main character actually picks that wasn’t even in your top 3…*sigh* Nisekoi… What I’m saying is that people like variety. And since there’s only one of you, the way to give the people what they want is to show them different sides of you. You can’t just throw up 7 selfie’s and call it a day. You have to give them an idea of who you really are. Include pictures of you engaging in your hobbies, action shots of you doing something fun or cool, pictures that show that you have a sense of humor, pictures of you and your pet. The goal is to show your potential matches that you’re more than just a pretty face. 

Tiffany 9:00
Ok, My last tip in the picture category is: Don’t be sketchy. This should go without saying, but it seems like I need to shout it out loud for the people in the back.  You should actually be in your photos! Faceless pictures, or pictures that solely focus on your body (…or your naughty bits) just scream “Red Flag!” You hiding something…? You hiding FROM someone…? Or are you just looking for a quick hookup? Regardless of your answer, this is what people are going to think if you’re MIA in all of your pictures. If you don’t have anything to hide…then don’t.

Tiffany 9:42
Moving on to Phase 2: your Bio

Tiffany 9:46
Alright, so you managed to get their attention. Now, What are you going to do with it? Tip #1: Actually write a bio. I know that we said the aloof tsundere is a popular harem archetype, but you shouldn’t preemptively ghost someone with a blank bio if they’re going there to learn more about you. Sometimes mysterious can be a turn off, and is actually one of the main reasons why people swipe left. Having a bare bio implies that you couldn’t be bothered to put forth the effort into filling it out. This can leave your potential matches to wonder if filling out a simple bio isn’t the ooonly thing that you’ll neglect. So just take a few minutes to write something….anything. 

Tiffany 10:34
My next tip: is to Let your personality shine through: From the time you were born up until this very moment you have spent your entire life navigating the world through trial and error. You’ve explored the space around you as well as the depths of your own inner workings. You’ve compiled a collection of experiences, life lessons, successes, failures, heartbreaks and triumphs, and after all of that growth and evolution, you have decided to sum up the depths of your soul into a cliché phrase like “Tacos are Life!” *sigh* Not only are you 1 of 1.5 gazillion people regurgitating the same Michael Scott quotes and Dad Jokes that you got from the internet, it doesn’t actually say anything about how unique you are as a person. Marg’s and Brunch are not an identity. Just like your pictures, you want to mention interests and traits that go beyond the superficial and give your match a glimpse of who you really are. What makes you, you? What would they have to look forward to if you got together? For example, on my old dating app, I say that: I’m an athletic nerd who’s as interested in hiking and paintball, as I am in anime and comic books. I want to scream sing 2000’s punk rock songs while on our way to grab dinner at a ramen shop, before we go to a second-hand book store or to see a comedy show.” *cut music* Dig a little deeper and write about the things that make you stand out in a crowd. 

Tiffany 12:16
Tip #3: Avoid the negativity. Dark and broody may be cute on Zuko, but unless you’re a banished prince, you should probably try being nice. If your bio is full of demands and dismissals, you’re gonna scare everyone away. I know that you think you’re weeding out the undesirables by saying things like “don’t swipe right if you can’t hold a conversation.” Or “Don’t waste my time if you’re not at least 6ft tall.” Geez guys… You’re spending so much time telling potential matches what hoops they need to jump through for the “privilege” of dating you that they don’t ever mention why dating you would be a privilege in the first place. I know it takes a little more effort to rule out people you aren’t interested in by actually Talking to them, but it’s definitely  better option than filling your bio with toxicity and sending EVERYONE running in the other direction. 

Tiffany 13:33
Our final tip in the Bio section is: Ditch the fluff. Okay, I know in Tip #1 I said to write “anything,” but maaaybe I should have been a little more specific. You should write something substantial. We all hate filler episodes. They feel like a waste of time, and you don’t learn anything new. So you can see how Listing your name, age, and the city you live in can feel pretty redundant since all of that information is already listed in your profile. This isn’t the census. Dropping a string of emojis isn’t a bio, it’s a condensed picture book. And just listing all of your social media tags isn’t informative. It’s self-promoting. You have to give your matches something to work with to start a conversation with you. Otherwise, you’re putting yourself in danger of receiving the dreaded “hey” message… *bonus tip* stop…stop doing that. WTF am I supposed to do with Hey? 
 
Tiffany 14:55
On to our 3rd and final phase – Your messages

Tiffany 15:00
Ooooh, you got a match! I mean, it’s really not that surprising considering that you followed all of the brilliant steps I gave you to create an awesome profile. Soon, you and that hottie will be going out for Boba, taking your dogs for walks in the park together, and curling up on the couch to marathon episodes of One Piece. That is….as long as you don’t fuck it up!

Tiffany 15:25
Tip #1: Seriously…don’t be sketchy. Alright Minetta, this one’s for you! This may sound familiar, but trust me it definitely bears repeating. Don’t be sketchy. There’s nothing worse than matching with someone that you find attractive, intriguing, and has similar interests, only for them to fire off some creepy ass message right out of the gate. You want to do what???? In my…where???  Yeeeah, it may be in your best interest to keep your sexually explicit, vulgar, or just down right creepy messages to yourself – at least, in the beginning. Just read the room and form the conversation around similar interests or cool talking points that you’ve picked up from their bio. You have to build up a little report and get an understanding of their sense of humor before you can go full weirdo. 

Tiffany 16:23
Tip #2: Don’t overdo it with the compliments. Listen, I love compliments as much as the next girl, but emphatic gushing can be a turn off. Yes, you may think she seems like an idyllic angel spun from the most luxurious gold and silver. Sure, you may think he looks like a statuesque Greek God chiseled from marble. But, you may want to tone it down just a little bit. You sound like a human fedora. If you write paragraph after paragraph declaring your undying admiration for a person you barely just met if can come off as disingenuous or just down right creepy. And you don’t want your matching thinking that you’re the kind of person who would sniff their shoes when they leave the room. *sigh* true story…

Tiffany 17:17
My Next tip is to not get too personal too soon
You know that scene in My dress up Darling, when Gojo is trying to get more information about Kitagawa’s cosplay source material and sheeee juuust LAUNCHES into a detailed description of this raunchy, erotic harem video game while he’s struggling to pick his jaw up off of the floor… Yeeeah, don’t do that. Over sharing about your kinks, your trauma, your past relationships too soon can be jarring for the person listening. You run the risk of scaring them away or making them think you aren’t fully healed or over your previous experiences. Just try to keep your first several conversation light, fun, and flirty. Leave a little to the imagination in the beginning, and naturally dive deeper into the more “taboo topics” when it’s appropriate.. I mean, even an “open book” should save the more intense chapters for later. 

Tiffany 18:17 
And now, the tip that I saved until the very end of the episode is ironically all about timeliness. Typically there are 3 types of texters. The first, is the texter who hears their phone ring, see’s they’ve get a message, reads that message, and responds right away. That texter…is who we all should aspire to be. But unfortunately…a lot of us are one of the other two.. The second type of texter, hears their phone ring, sees they have a message, may or may not actually read that message, and then puts their phone down to, presumably fall off the face of the planet for like 2 o 3 days before they think to themselves “oh shit, did I ever message them back.” The third, is usually the person who messages first. They fire off a text, then proceed to stare at their phone for a reply. If that reply doesn’t come within…let’s say…30 SECONDS they fire off another. And another….and another… If you’re wondering which one I am….Let’s just say that one of my new years resolutions was to respond to my texts within 1 business day.    

Tiffany 19:35
When it comes to dating, or just…being a person in general, it’s important to be respectful of each other lives outside of the app when you’re communicating. People have lives. People are busy. And it’s for those very reasons that if you’re conversing with someone you should both give them grace if they can’t respond right away, but also prioritize your conversations so the other person doesn’t feel ignored. It’s a balancing act, but not impossible. 

Tiffany 20:17
And with that, my fellow nerds, we conclude our lecture on online dating apps. Now it’s time for your homework. Oh, stop it… All you have to do is comb through your profile with these tips in mind. It only takes a few minutes, but it could make a bit difference. Who knows, after a few tweaks, you could be planning couple’s cosplays with the love of your life in no time. 

Tiffany 20:45
Wait, wait, wait! Don't Leave yet! Don’t forget to subscribe and rate the podcast (it really helps build our community and I’ll love you forever) and feel free to add me on twitter at Elevated X Otaku (because I know some of you are still pronouncing that X).  Alright, happy swiping!