2 - Making Friends 101 - A Nerd's Guide to Meeting New People

You know those moments when your phone is ringing non-stop with texts and calls from all of your friends asking you to hang out, but you have to say no because your calendar is already so full of movie nights, brunch dates, and party invitations that you couldn’t possibly squeeze in anything else?  ...yeah, me neither. Ya know, for a group of people a community that won’t shut up about anime and manga, it’s like pulling teeth to get us to socialize. 

Well it's time to pull yourself away from that Naruto and get out there and socialize! But there's no need to be nervous, because this episode is all about how to make the process of finding new friends as painless (and FUN) as possible!

I'm ElevatedXOtaku on everything - click the links below:
Check out everything here:
*LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/elevatedxotaku

•Visit My Website at: www.elevatedxotaku.com
•Follow Me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/ElevatedxOtaku
•Follow Me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elevatedxotaku/
•Follow Me on Threads: https://www.threads.net/@elevatedxotaku
•Email Me at: elevatedxotaku@gmail.com

***Donate to the Animator Supporters Go Fund Me****:
https://gogetfunding.com/the-new-anime-making-system-project-phase-2/

Transcript

Tiffany 0:00
You know those moments when your phone is ringing non-stop with texts and calls from all of your friends asking you to hang out, but you have to say no because your calendar is already so full of movie nights, brunch dates, and party invitations that you couldn’t possibly squeeze in anything else …*sigh* yeah, me neither. Ya know, for a group of people [a community] that won’t shut up about anime and manga, it’s like pulling teeth to get us to socialize. 

Tiffany 0:31
Well, that’s where I come in! Hey! My name Tiffany, and I’d like to welcome you to the Elevated Otaku podcast. Where we talk about how to improve your life, [nurture] your relationships….and how to become the pirate king! But the topic that we’re tackling todaaay, is all about friendship. *aww* It’s no secret that us nerds have a tendency to be a little…anti-social sometimes. That’s why in today’s episode we’re going to talk about how to make friends, with the help of a few cameos from some of our favorite yandere’s, dandere’s, and loners. 

 Tiffany 1:11
But before we jump into the nitty gritty, let’s spin the wheel of listener submitted questions to get us warmed up, shall we?

Aaaand the question of the day comes from MOLLYLOLLI. She asks: who is your most toxic anime crush?

Oooh, now this is a juicy one. And even though I can practically feel you all campaigning for Sukuna, or Dabi, or god forbid…Hisoka. (*shudder* now that aspiring kid diddler AND his bungie gum can stay 500ft away from me), My toxic anime crush is none other than the leader of the phantom troop himself. Mr. Chrollo Lucilfer. Mmm there’s just something about a man who’s handsome, intelligent, ridiculously OP…and a little sadistic that does it for me. He’s just got this kind of…understated tenderness about him. Underneath all of the thievery and murder, of course. And did I not mention that he’s fine as hell AND has that fly ass jacket though. Which is obviously made out of husband material. Yup. Chrollo and  his around the way girl earrings can get it. 

Tiffany 2:30
But, what about you? Is your toxic anime crush one of the ones I mentioned or someone else? Go to the Elevated Otaku twitter page and let me know! And while you’re there, DM me with your own QOTD ideas, and make sure to follow me for more random fandom talk and ExO updates. My goal is to create a  nerdy community and I’ll need your help to do it! In fact, why don’t you make that step one in your friend finding journey. 

Alright, that’s enough of my nonsense. *Let’s skip to the good part*. Whether you’re introverted, shy, too busy, or just don’t know where to look, meeting new people can be tough. When we were kids we had it so easy. You could just accidently kick a ball too hard on the playground, smack another little kid in the back of head with it and BOOM, best friends for life. Do that as an adult and you’ll end up on Worldstar… So what DO you do, then? 

Tiffany 3:02
Well the first thing that you should do is realize that you’re not the only one who struggles with this. In fact, you’re far from it. And I’m not just saying that if you happen to fall into the weeb, nerd, or anti-social category. I promise you that everyone wrestles with the same thoughts and fears in one way or another. They think, “Am I interesting enough to keep them entertained?”  “Do they actually like me?” “Have I worn out my welcome?” “I want to approach them but I have nothing to offer.” “I want to ask them to hang out but they may reject me…” We tend to talk ourselves out of building relationships before we even allow ourselves to try. And not only does that keep you from reaching out to people, it has the unfortunately effect of making people not want to reach out to you, either. If you do nothing but wait in the wings, hoping to stare your way into a friendship, people are just going to think you’re creepy and standoffish. Which is, like, the opposite of what we want. So once again, what do we DOOOO???

Tiffany 4:39
 Weeeell, the most obvious solution is…unfortunately the most difficult one to do. And that’s to just put yourself out there. Luckily, though, we happen to have a secret weapon that makes this 100x easier. And that, my nerdy friends, is our love of our fandoms. Let’s use My Dress Up Darling as a case study. If you haven’t seen it already (which, oh my god, what are you waiting for? It’s so good) it’s about an anti-social high school guy who makes traditional Japanese Hina Dolls by hand. Arguably a…veery niche hobby. He is very much a loner and stays tucked away deep inside of his own shell. Until the day that one of the most popular girls in school (because of course) finds out about his hobby. He thinks she’s going to make fun of him, but instead she’s super impressed with how beautiful his dolls are and how amazing he is at making their clothes. She then him opens up to him about her dream of wanting to become a cosplayer…even though she can’t sew. (*cough* I can’t relate to that at all….). As you would imagine, they end up teaming up together to bring her cosplay dreams to life and in the process end up becoming really good friends…and maaaybe a little more.. But hey! One step at a time! We’re talking about mastering the art of friendship right now. We’ll tackle your love life in a future episode. 

Tiffany 6:09
 Anyway, My Dress up Darling is a great example of how putting yourself out there and leading with your interests can draw in people when you least expect it. And you’d be surprised who could potentially shares your similar interests. Buuuut, if you don’t want to leave it up to chance, I have a few suggestions for you…

Tiffany 6:28
 My favorite, and practically foolproof way to meet new friends, is to go to conventions. I mean, think about it, you’re surrounded by hundreds of people who all have at least 1 major thing in common with you, and who are probably just as eager to meet like-minded people as you are. Conventions provide a fun atmosphere that have events specifically built into them that are MADE for socializing. Between panels, spontaneous dance circles and hallway karaoke, and crowded dealer rooms, you’re always just a few steps away from a potential new friend. And don’t even get me started on if you decide to cosplay. I promise you, by the end of the weekend, you will have talked to and taken pictures with more people than you can count. Which removes two of the major obstacles when it comes to making friends: A lack of Opportunity and a lack of exposure.  

Tiffany 7:24
Now, I understand that simply “Going to a convention” isn’t enough to land you a gaggle of new friends. Like I said, you have to put yourself out there. Go into your convention experience thinking, no, KNOWING that there are people there that also want to make friends, and be…friendly. Pro tip: people love talking about themselves, so this is one of the easiest ways to get conversations flowing. Compliment people on their costumes and if they’re not being swarmed by photographers strike up a conversation about how and why they chose that character. Talk to the artists in the dealer rooms about their pieces. And most importantly, join panels that encourage their participants to interact with each other. Because interaction is your secret weapon here. In fact, yours truly is actually planning on hosting a panel at a convention this year. Well, technically 2, if I get approved. (keep your fingers crossed). One will be an anime themed dating gameshow, and the ooooother, is a gameshow to make friends. I’d say that’s another good reason to subscribe and follow the podcast, so you don’t miss updates and information on which cons and which days I’ll be hosting. 

Tiffany 8:45
Pretty much, just try to make genuine connections with people. And for the love of god ask them for their contact information if you feel like you’re hitting it off. I can’t tell you how many times I or a friend of mine have walked away from an amazing interaction with a potential new friend, only to realize that you have NO WAY of contacting them again. Queue the relentless facebook stalking. Was their name Jack…or Jake….ugh, I can’t remember! I will suggest though, that if you are going to ask for contact information, it may be best to go the social media route instead of jumping straight to exchanging phone numbers. It’s a little less invasive so people are more likely to say yes. 

Tiffany 9:33
But Tiffany Senpai, that’s all well and good during convention season, but what do I do about the other 45 weeks in the year? Great question, to which my answer is to make like every 12-episode slice of life anime protagonist and join a club. If you’re still in school, this one is fairly cut and dry. Just look through the list of available clubs or extracurricular events and join one that looks the most interesting to you. There’s a reason why this trope is so popular in anime and fiction. Being surrounded by a group of like-minded people for extended or recurring periods of time is a great way to bond and get closer. Admittedly, if you’re not in school, this one can be a little tricky. Buuut I wouldn’t be a good Senpai if I didn’t have a solution ready for you. Have you ever heard of an app called Meetup? If you haven’t I’ll give you a quick rundown. Meetup is an app where you sign up and select a list of interests. They can be anything from hiking, chess, photography, dancing, entrepreneurship, dungeons and dragons, and yes even anime and comic books. Once you’ve gone through and selected all of your interests, the app will show you all of the events going on in and around your city that have to do with those interests. It’s a great way to meet people and to explore your city. I actually met one of my best friends at a comic book swap meetup when I first moved to Dallas 7 years ago. We’ve been buddies ever since. 

Tiffany 11:06
Alright, let’s move on to the next tip. The first two are good if you’re starting from zero, but this one is great if you already have a friend or two that you’re comfortable with. And that’s… to use them. Ok, that sounds a little more sinister than I mean for it to be, but just hear me out. What I mean is if you have more outgoing friends, let them introduce you to new people. That’s what Komi did. Even though she was one of the most popular and intriguing girls in school, In the show Komi can’t communicate, our adorable main character has social anxiety to the point where she can’t even speak around other people. Luckily for her, it makes everyone around her that much more enamored with her and her mysterious aura…but unluckily for her, it’s a bit of a double edged sword when you don’t actually have the skills to engage with the people who are so enamored with you. That’s why she enlisted the help of Tadano and the outgoing and bubbly Najimi to help her make friends. Where she falls flat, they pick up the slack, introducing her to new people, filling awkward silences with jokes, and making sure people are able to see just how great Komi really is when she’s too shy to show them herself. 

Tiffany 12:24
Speaking of friends you already have, you can also try reaching out to old friends. Most of us have those friends that we lost touch with as we grew up, moved away, or got too busy with life. Hit em up. If you can, that is…I know I have a couple friendships that have a smoking pile of charred bridge standing in between us… Yeah, go ahead and let those go. But for the ones you haven’t set ablaze, try shooting them a text or a DM. Sometimes all it takes is a little spark to reignite a flame (geez, that was a lot of fire in a short amount of time). Granted, sometimes when we drift apart from our friends it’s for good reason. If you’re doing it right, you should be growing and changing as you move through life. And sometimes those changes do take you in separate directions. But hey, there’s only one way to find out. 

Tiffany 13:31
If you haven’t noticed, a recurring theme in these tips so far has involved getting out of your comfort zone, throwing yourself into the world, by making connections in person. Buuut, what if the idea of a face to face interaction leaves your inner introvert hiding under the covers? Well boy have I got good news for you… What if I told you that even as you sit there, with your “anime in the streets, hentai in the sheets t-shirt covered in cheeto dust, playing final fantasy on your PC, while you re-watch Brotherhood for the 5th time that you’re already halfway there when it comes to meeting your future bestie? 

Tiffany 14:10
That’s right! You’re just a reddit thread, discord server, or video game lobby away from your new online bff. Full disclosure… I’m not a huge gamer. In fact…I’m trash. My friends hand me the controller for comic relief when they get bored of playing and need a good laugh. But, I do know people who have built some really strong friendships with people all over the world that they’ve never even seen before. Have you guys ever seen Recovery of an MMO Junkie. It’s pretty much exactly this. A woman who’s a bit of a shut in quits her job and decides to pass her time playing a popular MMO game. She ends up meeting some great people and of coooourse there’s a bit of a plot twist that I won’t spoil for you (she falls in love with one of them*) C’mon… you saw that coming. It’s a great show, and almost made me want to jump in on an MMO or an RPG myself…But once again. I’m trash. Buuut, if you’re not you should try it out. Who knows? You kindred spirit may be a continent or two away. 

 Tiffany 15:27
Of course there are countless other ways to make new friends, like asking to hang out with your favorite co-workers outside of office hours, striking up conversations with strangers when you’re out at fun events, or trying the BFF setting on the Bumble app (yes, that’s a thing). But the ones I suggested just happen to be my favorites because they’re fairly low risk and give you a better chance of meeting someone you ACTUALLY have something in common with. But if I had to boil everything down into 1 single tip, it would be to just…try. The chances of your new best friend teleporting onto your couch while you’re watching TV is pretty much zero. The only way to meet new people…is to meet new people. I believe in you! And if you need a starter friend to boost your confidence, allow me to volunteer. I’m just a twitter DM away. Now, go out there, and socialize.